...courtesy of Us Weekly's photo-editorial staff. I feel like the whole picture should be covered in a shade of hot pink, to go along with the rest of their subtle and understated design concept.

Recently, I have been thinking about starting a new news commentary blog. I read a lot of news, I figured, and I probably have a lot to say about them, but who will listen? Then of course I realized that this was precisely the reason I originally created Ennui- just to get that great big pot of crazy off my chest. Sadly, maybe because I have not been following news as carefully as I should have, I feel like it has been a long time since I’ve seen a news segment fully worthy of an extended Ennui-esque commentary. So imagine my relief when I came across Us Weekly’s Exclusive: Angelina Jolie Not a Fan of Obama.

As a graduate literature student, I believe there is only one way to comprehend the sublime poetic magic of this article- we’re going to close read it.

So, let’s begin.

Barack Obama does not have Angelina Jolie’s seal of approval.

“She hates him,” a source close to the U.N. goodwill ambassador, 34, tells the new issue of Us Weekly (on newsstands now).

Notice the quick poetic modulation in tone between the “seal of approval,” and “She hates him.” Although, the most interesting thing to me, is the qualification of the “source.” You see, in real news- if there is such a thing- the name of a source gets listed, comma, followed by a job description. Here we have, “a source close to the U.N. goodwill ambassador, 34.” Kind of like this- ‘The unemployed dilettante founder of Ennui Magazine, 23.’

The line is followed by:

See Angelina Jolie’s early modeling shots!

“She’s into education and rehabilitation and thinks Obama is all about welfare and handouts. She thinks Obama is really a socialist in disguise,” adds the source.

See how the Jolie-Pitt kids have grown

Ah, I sense something of T.S. Eliot in this narrative fragmentation. And I actually don’t have the kind of hot pink available on my browser that can faithfully reproduce Us Weekly’s formatting magic.

Then of course there is:

But don’t expect to see the Salt actress…

Salt?! What the hell is Salt? Is that really the most famous Jolie project they could come up with? Ok, let’s just finish the piece:

“Angie isn’t Republican, but she thinks Obama is all smoke and mirrors,” the source says.

See photos of Brad and Angelina’s recent trip to Iraq

And those political views are putting her at odds with Brad Pitt, 45, who is a big fan of the president and even went solo to the 2008 election party in Chicago.

Compare Angelina Jolie to Megan Fox

“They get in nasty arguments all the time about it,” says the source. “She doesn’t respect Brad when it comes to politics, but, in the end, this won’t tear them apart.”

I love that the fabric of our democracy is so strong that even such an intense argument between such a knowledgeable and politically qualified couple will never break them apart. Even Megan Fox can’t do it, comparatively speaking.

In the end though, I think my favorite things about this article are the refrains. A picture might say a thousand words, but a piece of gossip interspersed with bright pink hotlinks just says so much more.