Recently, I have been thinking about starting a new news commentary blog. I read a lot of news, I figured, and I probably have a lot to say about them, but who will listen? Then of course I realized that this was precisely the reason I originally created Ennui- just to get that great big pot of crazy off my chest. Sadly, maybe because I have not been following news as carefully as I should have, I feel like it has been a long time since I’ve seen a news segment fully worthy of an extended Ennui-esque commentary. So imagine my relief when I came across Us Weekly’s Exclusive: Angelina Jolie Not a Fan of Obama.

Hello Cyberspace!

Pavlov here, after an administrative hiatus. It has been a while since Ennui Magazine has been active- a great dispersal has overtaken our writers and editors, spreading Ennui into at least 16 different timezones- that’s not even an exaggeration. However, life is just not the same without this project, and so over the next couple of months, we will slowly be relaunching this website and bringing the amount of our material up to a consistent rate. Like what you read here? Please join our email list, and we will start delivering weekly digests of ennui directly to your inbox!

Looking forward to writing for you again!

Love,

Pavlov

Here at Ennui News Headquarters, we spend a lot of time of time trying to keep the making of history straight. Every day remarkable things happen somewhere in the world- old leaders die, new leaders are born, recessions come and go, drunken men jump out of 5th story windows to escape their nagging wives, twice. These goings on seem important, but as any avid Will Smith connoisseur can tell you, no news is important in comparison to aliens. The thing is, we are ready for them. And by we, I mean Kazakhstan.

This Tuesday, Obama delivered his second primetime televised speech to the nation. Here is the NY Times’ main criticism of this speech and Obama’s general approach:

This was Mr. Obama as more enervating than energizing, a reminder of the way he could be in his early days as a presidential candidate, before he became defined by rapturous crowds. “He doesn’t seem to emote any real urgency or anger,” said Matthew Dowd, a former Republican strategist who has often been complimentary of the new president. “So at times it comes across as a bit distant and intellectual. Joe Trippi, a Democratic consultant, said: “He said all the right things. But sometimes his confidence makes him seem flat.”

You’re all probably familiar with the idea of writer’s block. Maybe it’s because your life’s mindless automatism has killed your inner child, or maybe it’s because your exciting career in artificial panda insemination does not allow for much free creative time. Whatever your reason for your artistic clogging, you are probably considering a few terrible traditional options to cure your malaise:

The first time I came to Yoshi’s in Oakland’s Jack London Square, I was eleven years old. We came for a Sunday matinee, when adults get in for a discount for bringing their children, and children get in almost for free. I am not sure who I saw that first time- it was either George Shearing or Chick Corea. All I know is that since then, I have always firmly thought of this place as the single coolest thing to do in the Bay Area.

LAST December, during former President Bush Jr.’s farewell Iraq visit, history was made when a disgruntled Iraqi journalist chucked his shoes at our fearless leader. After deftly dodging the projectiles, Bush poignantly summed up the gesture with, “Size 10!” Since then, a number of copycats have unleashed a flurry of flying footwear at unwitting political figures the world over.

Two weeks ago, the Chinese Premier, Wen Jiabao, was [...]

IN the summer of 2008, the former White House administration commissioned the highly secretive, elite Interagency Panel on Imminently Threatening Threats.  Under the political screen of the 2008 presidential election, the IPITT was able discreetly to take control of the CIA, FBI, Department of Homeland Security, Blackwater, Google, UPS, and HTTPS. With this unprecedented power, the IPITT was assigned the task of quantifying and qualifying the Imminently Threatening Threats facing [...]

Come check it out y’all.

AS the U.S. unemployment index continues to climb into the double digits, some of you might be finding yourselves inadvertently living the lifestyle of the idle rich. Out of school and without a job, for the first time in years you might be spending your weekdays sitting around at home, with nothing but televised car chases to cheer you up.

When this situation recently happened to me, I felt I needed to find some direction on how better to approach my new idle rich predicament. After carefully inspecting my bookcase, I decided to pull out Leo Tolstoy’s 4-tome magnum opus, War & Peace.